Nardwuar - Radio Host & MuchMusic VJ
Recording Industry & Musician Interviews

A Pizzazz Magazine Exclusive

Publisher Don Lemmon

Pizzazz Magazine: Who are you and who named you Nardwuar? How is that pronounced?

Nardwuar: Nardwuar is a dumb... No, stoopid name which is pronounced like "hardware" except it's "Nardwuar"!  "Human" was added in honor of the great Cramps song "Human Fly" and  Serviette I was deemed because they don't have serviettes in the USA -- only napkins and one day I needed a serviette and ended up wearing my food waiting for one. I am Nardwuar, the Human Serviette!

Pizzazz Magazine: We also do not use finger bowls here. We tend to eat with knives anf forks! What are Goblins and Evaporators?

Nardwuar: Two bands that I participate in! The Evaporators have been around since 1986, and thee Goblins ever since 1992. In thee Goblins we all wear sheets over our heads and don university of western washington cheerleader sweaters over those said sheets! "We" is my friend "Scott" on drums. "Me" is me on the vintage Acetone Organ. That's it! In thee Evaporators, with Scott (again) plus Dave and John we play pure Teenage Zit Rawk Angst styled music STILL even though we are hitting our thirties!

Pizzazz Magazine: You have interviewed / harrassed more people than God has intended for you to! Here is a short list: Ron Jeremy,  Rob Zombie, Neil Young, Nikki Sixx, the Beaver, Beck, Cheap Trick, Alice Cooper, Corey Feldman, Geddy Lee, Loverboy, Timothy Leary, Sean Lennon, Nirvana, Tommy Chong, Drew Barrymore, Henry Rollins, Hole, Slayer,  Dan Quayle, Mickey Dolenz, Tom Vu, Sonic Youth, Ernest Angley, Gerald Ford, Anthony Robbins, Paul Shaffer, Flea, Gilligan, Mikhail Gorbachev, Iggy Pop...

Nardwuar: That's enough!

Pizzazz Magazine: At any time did you fear your life?

Nardwuar: When Sebastian Bach of the heavy metal band Skid Row said he would "Beat me up for fun" he didn't, but he stole my toque, and smashed the videotape I was using to tape the interview which happened to have a phun Sandra Bernhard interview on it! Arrrg! I felt dead!

Pizzazz Magazine: I am up for a Tomahawk BBQ burger! When I come to Vancouver we must get one! When did you begin your bodybuilding career and what is the best part of being a little cracker in Canada?

Nardwuar: Don! Yes! The Skookum Chief Hamburger from the Tomahawk BBQ in North Vancouver, BC Canada is the best.

Pizzazz Magazine: What's on it? Is it good for bodybuilders?

Nardwuar: Egg, bacon, weiner, meat, and cheese. It's basically three meals in one. Bryan Adams once worked there as a dishwasher. For pictures of this burger check out my web page. I do not body build but I do exercise a bit.

Pizzazz Magazine: You had a brain hemorrhage? Experienced seizures? From what?

Nardwuar: Last summer I had a brian hemorrhage. The doctors have no idea why. People were so nice to me when I was in hospital and that's what powered me thru an extremely difficult thyme. I was too busy talking to friends and fans to be scared. Now I am feeling so much better and have been going to the gym to help get my left arm (which was affected) into tip top shape! I also wanna beef up and be the punk Richard Simmons of the 90's!

Pizzazz Magazine: For your brain hemorrhage, please get some TJClarkco.com minerals. I know it sounds crazy but two tablespoons a day heal and strengthen the cell membranes in the noodle bro. So would an equal dose of Udo's Oil, an essential fatty acid found in Vancouver at any health food store. As far as bulking up, did you join a gym? What is your schedule?

Nardwuar: Thanks fer the tips! I'll check it out! I go to the local recreation centre gym 45 minutes 3-X a week.

Pizzazz Magazine: What makes a Human Serviette happy?

Nardwuar: Just being alive! (And finding out neat trivia-like the fact my friend Bev once lent a sleeping bag to Neil Young!)

Pizzazz Magazine: Last movie you saw?

Nardwuar: "So Wrong, They're Right!" a movie all about 8-track tapes! I love 8-tracks!  We (Nardwuar Records) buy old  "tracks" and tape our music over them. Actually a guy called Cappy from Spokane Washington sold us a whole load of 8-tracks (over 1000) that he had bought off gospel singer Meryl Womack! To find out about the joys of 8-tracks go to: htttp://www.8trackheaven.com

Pizzazz Magazine: All I know about you is from the interviews you do. When did they start and why? How?

Nardwuar: I love to find out information! On Sept 26 1985  I interviewed a popular Canuck singer called Art Bergman, who once played in  a great Punk band outta Vancouver (circa 1979) called the Young Canadians. Why? Cuz he thanked my High School in his liner notes! It just seemed too weird--so I had to find out why.

Pizzazz Magazine: Last CD bought?

Nardwuar: I can't even remember - I really mainly buy used vinyl and 8-tracks. In fact I am enjoying an Eric Carmen LP right now.

Pizzazz Magazine: If you could redo one of the interviews and start over, which?

Nardwuar: I would like a chance to talk to Gerald Ford again, and quiz him about being on the Warren Commission that investigated JFK's murder.

Pizzazz Magazine: Gerald Ford likes to golf. What interviews are your dream dates and what is up next?

Nardwuar: I'm gunna be interviewing Dolemite on Thursday! Rudy Rae Moore!

Pizzazz Magazine: Ask him about the honkey that got his ass kicked by two of his henchmen in the bar scene for the new Dolomite film. That was ME! He will remember me. I was the ONLY white guy for miles! I even plucked a wild eyebrow hair off him!

Nardwuar: You got the hookups Don!

Pizzazz Magazine: Laughs. How do you find these people that otherwise don't know you exist and when they find out, wish you would leave?

Nardwuar: I'll interview anyone! Just whoever passed thru towne. I sit bored waiting for action!

Pizzazz Magazine: How many albums have you sold? I was looking for your lyrics, will you humm me a few so I know what they are aboot?

Nardwuar: The Evaporators and Goblins have probably sold 1200 records combined. Thee Goblins have a toon called "Mario Cuomo works at Domo". We just chant that over and over. Most of the Evaporators songs are chants too. (By the way "Cuomo" is that olde NY Governor dood and "Domo" is a gas station in Canada where their motto is "we jump to the pumps!") I have also put out other records, and since u asked, here's a listing... Discography of Nardwuar the Human Serviette Records...

1989 Cleo 1-"Oh god my mom's on channel 10" Comp LP
1990 Cleo 2-Smugglers"Up and Down"  7 inch
1991 Cleo 3-Smugglers"At Marineland" 10 inch
1991 Cleo 4-"Clam Chowder and Ice vs. Big Macs and Bombers" Comp LP
1992 Cleo 5-Evaporators "Welcome to my Castle" 7 inch
1992 Cleo 6-Thee Headcoats "Louis Riel" 7 inch
1993 Cleo 7-Evaporators"I'm Going to France" 7 inch
1995 Cleo 8-"Teenage Zit Rock Angst" Comp LP (w/ free Cd)
1996 Cleo 9-Evaporators"United Empire Loyalists" LP w/free Cd/fold out cover)
1998 Cleo 10-Evaporators "I Gotta Rash"/Thee Goblins "We Are Thee Goblins
from Canada" Split LP (w/ free cd)

Pizzazz Magazine: What's that all aboot? Are your parents single? Got relatives? If you could have married a cousin legally, which one would you have or did you?

Nardwuar: Well, my great cousin Eric Nesterenko used to play defense for the Chicago Black Hawks and was the "coach" in the movie "Youngblood" with Rob Lowe!

Pizzazz Magazine: You should interview Rob Lowe and ask to see his video tapes! The last public dispute you had outside the radio station was...

Nardwuar: Some guy was mad that I was wearing a toque inside a club. He couldn't believe it, and totally teased me. I love being teased though, especially when my tape deck is running! Heee, Heee, Heee.

Pizzazz Magazine: Are you in any movies?

Nardwuar: I was recently an extra in a flick called "A Girl is a Girl" by Reg Harkema. Reg is an editor who has edited (among many things) some Guy Maddin films, only the wildest filmmaker in the world right now! This was Reg's first feature! I love the name "Reg"! He kicks ass. I also was an extra in a movie called "The Widower" which hasn't been released yet! It's been described as "Natural Born Killers" meets "On Golden Pond". In both movies I play a guy wearing a toque.

Pizzazz Magazine: What celebrity babes did you date and who do you want to interview next?

Nardwuar: I have dated no celebrity babes, but I did once meet the body double for Drew Barrymore on the Amy Fisher Story! Interviews? A few years a go, I had a goal! Try to get interviews with Kurt Cobain, Bill Clinton and Neil Young!  Since then I have talked to Cobain, but I missed a chance to ask Clinton a question (Because at the Clinton-Yeltsin Summit in Vancouver in 1993 I was removed by agents who believed "I was going to cause a massive disturbance" all due to the fact that a week earlier I had told Mikhael Gorbachev to keep on rawkin in the free world!)  So all that really is left is Neil Young! Like did you know that Neil Young played in a band called the Mynah Birds  with Rick "Super Freak" James in Toronto during the 1960's!! Neil Young and Rick James together!  That's something I gotta know more about!

Pizzazz Magazine: Someone MUST have a James/Young tape somewhere! Has anyone ever contacted YOU to interview them or wanted to retort what another interview had said? Tell me.

Nardwuar: People are always looking for publicity so it has not been hard tracking people down.

Pizzazz Magazine: What's next when this college radio thing dies off?

Nardwuar: It never will. There will always be a need for a place to help expose people to ideas, thoughts and music they have not heard anywhere else. That is the purpose of Campus / Community radio.

Pizzazz Magazine: Life isn't always funny. There has to be a peaceful side to you. What do you do to relax?

Nardwuar: I read books! Like Three Dog Nightmare by Chuck Negron! It's all about his band (Three Dog Night (Doh!)) and his wylde experiences. Like one time he so much sex his cock exploded forcing him  to wrap it in a towel and run to the hospital.

Pizzazz Magazine: Favorite place outside of Vancouver.....

Nardwuar: LA of course! Now you knew that Don!

Pizzazz Magazine: Sorry, but listen. I gave you a bunch of unknown things to ask Tommy Lee in your interview with him. If you were meeting Pam Anderson what would you ask her?

Nardwuar: What was that music playing when you pulled to the side of the road in the SUV. (In "the" Video.. Tommy said that the music was MC Hammer!!) Who won the BC Lions game you were discovered at? (She was a cheerleader and her image was flashed on the Big Screen and some "Playboy" magazine guy saw her). What is Comox/Courtney (the place on Vancouver Island she grew up) like? Has she been back since? Does she like Buchart Gardens in Victoria? (Tommy said they went there together!) Any other places to people must see on  Vancouver island?

Pizzazz Magazine: Do you want to go out in a blaze of glory?

Nardwuar: Bon Jovi! 1990! Thanks again fer the interest Don! Keep on rawkin in the free world! Have a good dinner, Nardwuar.

Visit Nardwuar's Official Website: CLICK HERE